My dear Kayla,
Some may not know how infertility has tormented you, because of your positivity and constant positive attitude.
I’m the only one to see your midnight tears. I’m the only one to know how deeply this crushes you. But I have faith. I don’t understand why this is our trial but this isn’t our destiny.I’m not only writing this for you but for those in similar situations and for those who may not be sensitive to your internal struggle.
For 3 years we have been asked why we don’t have children. For 3 years we’ve been told we’re young and our faithful desires have been put on the back burner by being told to enjoy not having kids while we have the chance. It gets worse, they say. We’ve even had family and friends pour lemon juice on the wound by teasing and mocking our struggle to get pregnant.
Only 3 years? C’mon! Some people have waited 7-10 years or will never have children. What about Abraham and Sarah? It doesn’t matter. When a married couple have decided righteously to have children and that blessing isn’t granted it’s more painful than broken bones or torn ligaments.
Out of this quicksand of infertility will come the hand of the Savior who will lift us out of despair and loneliness.
I have complete confidence you will be an extraordinary mother as you’ve been an loving, involved aunt. You’re always the first to sit the kiddos down and read a night time story to them individually. You’re always the first to stretch you hands out and smile so they’re run to you. You’re always the first to volunteer to change a diaper because that’s what you long to do everyday.
I wish you could see yourself as others see you.
One day this will be a troubled memory that we’ll look back on as a fire that has molded and shaped us into the parents that we’ll become.
I love you no matter our current circumstance.
Your loving husband and a future father, Matt